A day after long time Improvement Points subscriber, Larry Beckon, received the following Improvement Point he sent me the e-mail below:

"A thirty-eight year old man was at his parent’s home for Sunday dinner. He mournfully turned the discussion to his many problems, ‘I’ve just left my third failed marriage, I can’t hold onto a job, I’m in debt up to my ears and will have to declare personal bankruptcy,’ he whimpered. ‘Where did you go wrong?’"
– from Jim Clemmer’s article, "Avoiding Pity City and the Victimitis Virus"
Read the full article now!
http://www.clemmer.net/articles/article_305.aspx

"Hi Jim,

My wife Jean called me at the office a few minutes ago. During our brief conversation, I read her your story about the mournful man who said to his parents, "Where did you go wrong?"  I thought it was a great story.  My wife reminded me of the time that I gave my watch to a lady at the office.

This is the story. I went to an office that was being remodeled and asked the office manager how the work was coming. Walls had been torn down, many things had been moved, and the exact completion date of the work was not clear. The office manager (who often visited PityCity) talked about not having a clock, which had been on the wall in front of her work area – a wall that no longer existed. I immediately apologized for things being in turmoil (the division I led was responsible for having this work done), took off my watch, told her she needed it more than I did (I had a clock in my office), gave her my watch, and insisted that she keep the watch until after all the work was completed. I left and went back to my office without any further conversation.

When the work was completed (it wasn’t much more than a week or two later), she returned the watch and thanked me for loaning it to her. I never saw her visit PityCity again – at least while I was in the room. 

I learned something from this experience.  Others will choose to move away from PityCity if we help them to move to someplace else – to higher levels.  What she needed was a means to know what time it was and I helped make that happen for her.  That was the issue she had and when that issue was solved, there was no reason to visit PityCity. Most persons do not like PityCity, but they need a different alternative. Helping others find different alternatives can help others be successful."

Larry Beckon
Michigan Department of Transportation

A central exercise in most of my workshops and retreats is how to move ourselves and others out of Pity City. I’d love to get your stories and experiences. E-mail them to me at Jim.Clemmer@Clemmer.net.